Sometimes Words Just Stick

Lord, I  DON'T want to do the hard thing

"The heap of stone will help you to remember what happened today. In future years, your children will ask you "what do those stones mean?"

‭‭Joshua 4:6(Easy)‬‬

As I sat talking with my husband about the options of purchasing a new car or sticking with one for a short time to save enough money for the one we wanted; I lamented “Lord I don’t want to do the hard thing.” I said that after the option of taking him back and forth to work during the week came up. See, we’d already done this when we lived in North Carolina. At the time I was strapped with 2 boys under three and totally pregnant with baby boy number 3

At the time, we needed a new car just like we do now. It was an utter faith walk then just like it is now. At the time my husband worked 45mins (on a good day) away from home… going one way! When we were contemplating getting the new car then we knew we needed more room to hold baby boy two and so reluctantly we moved in faith to get the vehicle. I say reluctantly because well, at one point or another we BOTH knew we needed to just trust God and move. However, my husband wasn’t on board. I tend to drag him kicking and screaming to the right side of the line in matters like these and eventually he is on board but the process is daunting. To be fair, he’s a methodical and analytical thinker which is very good when we have time to think it out, flesh out the details, and process it all. I, on the other hand, am, well let’s say I’m ready to roll at a moment's notice decisively thinking along the way. Each way works in its own right and allows us to work well together.

But, this time we both agreed and were on the same page that we needed the car. Now the only issue was finding it. We went and looked at something that we both really liked however when we crunched the numbers it was above where we wanted to comfortably remain. That’s when the subject of what options we had came up. We were dealing with the repair of our family’s van. The van had been to two different repair shops already and we were awaiting to a new transmission but it had been gone for nearly one month.

We’re now a family of six; not that family of five I mentioned earlier. And remember that car we got in faith? Well, it no longer serves our family's needs but it also was starting to have transmission issues.

So, here we sat; in our neighbor's car that I borrowed to run errands earlier that day eating dinner. Kids chatting and making all kinds of noise. We, the adults sat talking and that’s when my husband said the same idea that I tossed out a few days ago… actually moments ago while still at the dealership…” do you want to just have one car for a bit to help stack some money to get what we want”. That’s when I blurted out “No, that was hard! Lord! I don’t want to do the hard thing!”

“I don’t want to take you back and forth to work. That was rough when we did it then and to have to get 5 people ready and have you out the door early … I’m not even trying to do that. " I said as I rested my head on the seat.

My husband said he understood it was hard but if we did go this route, maybe we could do it for no more than six months.

I didn’t want to hear that. I wanted what was convenient and comfy like not waking up at the crack of dawn to get 5 better yet 6 people ready, fed, and out the door. I don’t want the responsibility of exercising humility and grace to my husband when he’s running late for what feels like the millionth time. I’d rather leave that part of being punctual up to him. I’d rather forget how we did this as a family of three expecting baby boy four. I'd like not to remember how tired I was, short of patience I could easily become when the day just seemed to drag. Or how when I totally wanted a nap but nobody wanted a nap until it was time to pull out of our apartment complex. 

Welp, how many of know that is NOT how God or the Holy Spirit works? One of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to bring things back to our remembrance. Now, I know there are things we'd much rather forget but when we remember it's God's way of saying "can't you see I have been there all the time?" Please note not a minute sooner than I’d uttered those words the Holy Spirit reminded me of what I said 6 years ago... “having one car will help us become close as a family, it will allow us to talk and listen to one another.” Admittedly, when we were in that season it didn’t seem like we were doing it so well and it was super bumpy, with more friction than smoothness, and everything financially felt so tight. But in time things got smoother, the boys got accustomed to their dad praying over our day as we rode along, and we were blessed with loving neighbors who helped me load and unload our boys, and sometimes knock on the door to make sure that I did not oversleep on the days I did get a nap. 

God also, corrects us because He loves us, he NEVER condemns us. I needed the correction. His quick correction in love told me that when I complain that I don't want to do the hard thing, what I am essentially saying is that I don't want to grow up to where He's calling. That I am willingly and knowingly holding up myself, my family, and all those attached to me by refusing to do the hard thing. Ouch! I never want to be a hold-up to anyone. Proverbs 31:26 ICB tells us that when a virtuous woman speaks she "says wise words... she always works hard and she takes care of her family." One of the ways that this scripture can ring true in my life at this moment is trusting God in the place where things seem hard, speaking life instead of fearing the unknown, choosing to enjoy the difficult days, and sharing in the blessing of grace when those days outweigh the smooth days. I can choose to look back and remember that God has always been with me and my family. Although, even at the time of this post we are smack in the middle of the hard thing. Our situation has not changed in the least bit, it actually has gotten a bit more difficult, to be honest. We are now down to only one vehicle and then that same vehicle has stayed out of our possession at the mechanic with some type of major repair over the last 45-plus days. We currently do not have it. But despite all of the hard things that have come up, we have grown closer as a family, we've clung to God's grace and faithfulness. God has used unconventional methods and people to accomplish His will in our lives. We as a family have been left in awe of His great love for us.  for that, I'm thankful to walk alongside Him in the hard place so that I may come to know Him more intimately. 

Lord, Thank you for the narrow road of the hard places in our lives. It is here alone that we come to know You and You love. It is here that we mature as a saint and live as You desire. We get to share our testimony to help encourage those who are walking the path behind us. It is here that we encourage ourselves and see your love for us. May these hard places be viewed as places of victory and serve as stones to be remembered for what has happened today in future years. Let these very stones cause those with whom we share our testimony with to be drawn to You and cause them to believe in You. Thank you for choosing us to do the seemingly difficult thing to bring You glory in Jesus' mighty name, Amen.