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“Every wise woman encourages and builds up her family, but a foolish woman over time will tear it down by her own actions.”
Proverbs 14:1 TPT
“You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.”
Song of Songs 2:15 TPT
“I don’t understand why this man is always rushing out of here to go to work? Doesn’t he understand that him rushing isn’t a good look”? That was the complaint session I was having with God and mostly myself one morning earlier this year. I’d gotten the boys ready and was tossing some of my husband’s laundry in a basket when I began to get irritated with his shenanigans of rushing to work. I was thinking “how are you late when you’re up in time to BE on time”?
As the boys were running at my feet chasing one another I snatched the door to my husbands closet open to drop the now full basket inside I looked around at all the stuff and started to get angrier. I looked at the wasted space along with the clutter and was immediately disgusted. I belted aloud “good grief this doesn’t make any sense”. That’s when the Lord said as I began to turn the lights off and walk out of the closet; “ he falls behind because you won’t help him”. Wait, what? Who me? I certainly know You see your girl down here working like an octopus what do you mean I won’t help him? I stood there foolishly full of pride, justified, and WRONG!
He showed me as I turned the lights back on in the closet that he’s given me to help my husband. To be his booster, and when I decide I’m not doing something because "he can do it" I cause my family and marriage to suffer. If I’m honest I’ve washed my husband's clothes a handful times. However, after one particular time when we were first married, I’d tried helping by washing, folding and putting them away but my husband came home and refolded EVERYTHING! I was hot, like boiling, hotter than fish grease type of hot!
Angry yes, but more so hurt and after that decided I’d not do it unless I had to which was mainly NEVER. Had I known the damage that small fox was doing to our healthy vine I would have been more careful and forgiving. Please understand that bitterness and remembering offenses will prevent you from loving, moving forward, and being fully present in your marriage, it WILL kill it. I know my husband is particular about some things like I can be so I shouldn’t have reserved the right to not help him over one immature act from years ago. How many times had I been immature and he overlooked it? That one thing caused numerous arguments about being late, smart remarks about how he better not be the hold up when it’s time to go or petty looks that were silently destroying our foundation. A wall doesn’t fall all at once just like marriages don’t dissolve overnight. It dissolves because of the little chips, nicks, dings, and cracks that nobody tried to take before the Lord and ask Him to help you two repair.
The Lord showed me that I see clutter he doesn’t. I see laundry on the floor and in the basket and he doesn’t. He sees his need to get to work for his family and make sure we’re well taken care of and he will get to it later. That day my eyes were opened to loving my husband differently. Love is not a feeling it’s developed, strengthened and transformed in the trenches of prayer after the loss of a baby, it’s buying the fabric softer and dryer sheets intentionally because your husband loves the way you make his clothes smell, it’s developed in the dark talking about your dreams or how you failed at them. I asked God that day if He’d let me get through the closet and clothes without the kids going haywire because I hadn’t fed them yet but felt so strongly that I was to fix what I saw out of order.
He honored that request, I worked without complaining unto the Lord knowing that as a wife I’m to help my husband as he helps me and this one thing took the stress from him. He came home that day and was overwhelmed at the thought and action taken on his behalf. Since then, the rushing in the morning is almost nonexistent and each time he sees clean folded laundry that smells good he’s very appreciative. Wives we have to stop complaining and listen to God on how He needs us to love our men. If you need to go and apologize, do it fight for your marriage, why leave something you’ve been watering with prayer only for someone else to get your harvest?
Of course, I’m not suggesting you stay where you’re being abused or your safety is at risk, I’m speaking to those of us wives who could surely hush and let God do His perfect work in us first before we chip away at our husbands. If your heart longs to be married let God prepare you in the wait because you can’t quit and leave when you feel like it. Contrary to what the world shows this isn’t a sports team you can’t keep trading up; eventually no team will want to pick you up. Kingdom marriage is about checking yourself against the infallible Word of God, police the petty, and give up self for becoming one.
Lord, I know my limited time with being married and understanding marriage may cause some to disqualify me but I know that time is a no factor for you. I pray that we as wives do not destroy our marriages and relationships with our mouths and motives. Let us boost our husbands. Boost their self-esteem, character and the way he sees himself. May we help him by packing his lunch, straightening his tie or collar, praying with him not just for him, or simply kissing him goodbye before work to give him a little extra pep as he leaves home with a thousand cares on his mind; many of which include us. Show us where to help and not enable, show us when to speak and when to be quiet. In Jesus name, Amen.