The Dirty Alphabet

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.”

Psalms 139:7-8 NKJV

There are times in life where our lives can be marred by a letter of the alphabet and we define ourselves by that. In grade school, we aimed for straight A’s but fell short and got B’s, C’s D’s or even F’s and all we see is: do Better, Can’t do anything right, Dummy, or Failure. 

Even into our adult lives we make sin choices that cause us to choose a letter of shame and guilt from the dirty alphabet. Some choose promiscuity, lying, or thievery, while some may have chosen all three and many more we can ALL find our place in this 26 letter line up. 

For me it was A for abortion. Yep, this Jesus loving girl who was raised in church accepted Christ at a young age chose to make a poor choice. I let the voice of the enemy lie to me with things like “what are you gonna do with a baby the dad doesn’t want?” , “your dad didn’t want you or else he would have stuck around”, “God is gonna hate you and punish you by never allowing you to have any children”. “Your mom is gonna be so disappointed and disown you”. Oh, believe me, this list of garbage went on, but sadly I believed it. I’d heard the painful words from the guy I was seeing at the time and saw how he immediately changed into someone I didn’t know or even care about anymore. 

Although, he told me he didn’t care or want anything to do with me or a baby I had the responsibility to make a better choice. And all these years later I had and still have the responsibility to not hide in fear of being found out by my mom who I felt wouldn’t love me, or judged by family or my close friends who’d become family. Or that I’d never find a husband who’d love me despite this choice and still have children. 

I had made a black mark on my past I could never erase and for years I’ve buried it and tried to cover it but no more. The day I went trembling to have the abortion I prayed “God you said you’d never leave me please even here don’t leave me. I know it’s wrong but just don’t leave me. Forgive me, please. Amen”. And you know what He honored His word. I won’t tell you I walked out of there skipping and smiling or the years to follow weren’t silently painfully at times but He was there just like He promised. 

See God spoke this to me this morning and maybe you need it to “the ground is level at the cross”. ALL sin was covered there and ALL sinners YOU and I are welcome there. We aren’t the only ones who have sinned, the Bible is full of examples that show God’s love, forgiveness, and grace on display. The woman at the well in John 4:4-26 Exodus 2:11-14<Joshua 2:1) David a man after God’s heart was not only an adulterer but had the very woman he committed adultery with husband killed (2 Samuel chapters 11 & 12). Let’s not forget Saul and his conversion in Acts 9. 

These few examples are not an excuse to willfully sin because God will forgive you, it’s to serve as a visual reminder that the ground is level at the cross and even in your ashes God can STILL use you for His glory. 

 Despite the lies from the dirty alphabet we can sometimes choose to believe, God being the great redeemer He is had His own alphabet full of loving words and phrases that have never changed in over 2000 years. There are words and phrases such as FORGIVEN, Zealously LOVED, BLESSED, Bought by Jesus’ precious blood, CHOSEN, ACCEPTED and the list goes on literally from A-Z. We have a choice which alphabet we will choose from and believe when we fall short. What choice will you make today?

Lord, I thank you for Your unfailing love, forgiveness, compassion, correction, and grace. It’s in the dark place that I’ve seen just how great You are and how much a sinner like me needed Jesus’ sacrifice. Despite those that will fall away b/c of our sinful testimony, talk about us, and even disown us, thank You for being the promise keeper you are, not only to save and forgive us but NEVER leave us. May my testimony, which I’ve so desperately tried to hide even from you be used to set even the most bound free for You. Let it be seen that You can and will restore but most importantly You are a healer of broken hearts and relationships. You desire that no one goes through this life alone without You and NO sin is too awful for you to forgive and use for Your glory. ~ Amen