The Day I Yelled

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“God, you’re such a safe and powerful place to find refuge! You’re a proven help in time of trouble— more than enough and always available whenever I need you.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46:1‬ ‭TPT

H.A.L.T.= Hungry Angry Lonely Tired you’re most susceptible to the devils attack ~ My Mom

I yelled at my kids today... I mean full on crazed mom yelling at a 2 and 3-year-old all while my 9-month-old is screaming crying in his play-pen. Oh, by the way, I happened to yell at the same children Sunday and Monday; and my husband got some of the crazed action of me yelling at him Sunday RIGHT after church!! Might I add it’s just Tuesday, good grief.

What kind of mom and wife am I for Pete’s sake? I mean goodness I couldn’t let the message from the pastor sink in and take hold before I lose my patience with everyone. All morning I’ve replayed the broken record of how I need to get up earlier try harder and then the pressure won’t seem so great and I’ll do better. As the record was just about to hit repeat for the 5th time I drug myself and broken spirit to the table where instead of the oatmeal my 3-year-old requested we are eating peanut butter and jelly with chips and cheese for breakfast; I sat down with my head hung low. 

Just a few minutes before I took my seat I’d shouted that mom was in time out and not to talk to me. I lifted my head and looked around the table into 6 big brown eyes and apologized for mommy losing her patience and always running behind. And without missing a beat in all sincerity my oldest son said: “mom that’s okay”. I responded, “son thank you but it’s not mom knows better and shouldn’t yell at you guys”. He repeated himself with the same 3-year-old conviction and love “mom it’s okay”.  

Mom didn’t feel like it was in the moment but it really was. It can be hard to remember that our fickle feelings can lead us astray and no matter how hard we try the enemy is always looking for the perfect time to point out our shortcomings. He waits until you’ve had zero sleep because you’ve been up all night with a crying baby, ailing parent or spouse and just when you’re about to drift off to sleep or take a break, or say no to that friend's invitation so that you can have some “me time” to reset he inserts his coins of lies into the jukebox of regret and self-deprecation.  

It’s at this moment we have a choice to decide if we are going to patronize a place in our minds with the devil where the service is so disgusting that the board of health could shut it down and the music is lousy. Or if we will intentionally get up and leave and meet the lover of our soul who has prepared a great place that only leaves us full, refreshed and satisfied. 

After hearing my son tell me it was okay, I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me the same thing, that I didn’t have to stay there I could actually “dine and dash” Jesus had already paid the cost. I’d taken in enough garbage that was making me sick and He wanted to heal my broken spirit and refill me so I could work and love through Him despite my shortcomings. 

Oh Lord, but for your grace. I’d be lost if it weren’t for your grace. Thank you for being merciful, loving, compassionate, and forgiving. Thank you for renewing my mind and spirit.  Amen

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